ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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