giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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