WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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