You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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