on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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