I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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