We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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