I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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