My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize