i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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