I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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