In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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