3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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