i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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