Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you win again, gameday.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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