Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize