Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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