Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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