I faked an abortion last night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize