Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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