he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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