i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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