I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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