I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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