in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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