The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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