I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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