He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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