I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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