maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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