He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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