Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize