it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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