1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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