I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize