i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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