Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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