Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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