nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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