my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
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shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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