If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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