the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
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My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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