the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize