I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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