Umm I'm too high to move.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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