I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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