I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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