I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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