Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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