I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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